working vs. staying at home

The really awesome question, asked anonymously, is: Do you ever wonder if you’re missing out on anything by not being a working mom?

Oh, all the time. But only when I’m feeling extra selfish.

Now, I feel I should clarify. I am not at all implying that working moms are selfish. At all. I’m just saying that when I think about what I might be missing out on, I’m only doing so because I’ve had a rough day at home and my mind starts to wander.

Like, maybe I’d have more of a social life. Maybe it’d give me a reason to get up, shower and dress to impress. Maybe I’d even brush my teeth before noon. Maybe I’d be in “the loop.” Maybe I’d get a pat on the back when I did something right. Maybe I’d have a paycheck to show for all my hard work. Maybe others would feel like I was contributing to society. Maybe people would think I was smarter. Maybe I’d have more money. Maybe I’d get taken seriously every once in a while. Maybe others would think I was important. Maybe there would be a little respect thrown in my direction. Maybe I wouldn’t have to hear about how I “just” stay at home. Maybe I would feel appreciated.

See? So, not only is my list full of superficial, fleeting things, but it’s full of “maybes” too. Because maybe all of those things wouldn’t even happen for me. Then what? And half of those things I listed are about what other people think. Like that even matters.

So, no maybe about it, I would rather miss out on all of that, than miss out on this.

Because this only happens once. The kiddies are only this little and this dependant and mine to look after…just this once. And the thought of missing out on this, kills me.

So, while I have the privilege of doing so, I will be right here.

Brushing my teeth whenever the heck I feel like it.

Is there something you’d like to know?

Ask.

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16 thoughts on “working vs. staying at home

  1. Totally agree…there are no guarantees. Does it make me a freaking weirdo that I get up at 6AM to take a shower and get ready? I just can't function if I don't have makeup on…such a diva, I know.

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  2. I might have words for anonymous, such as "do you ever feel like you are missing out by working?" LOL. ok, not a mommy war..I know. Seriously though I don't like the comment "oh, your JUST a mom". No, I'm not just a mom. I'm a wife. I'm a sister. I'm a daughter. I am not defined by my job anyway. I have feelings and likes/dislikes, passions and things I can't stand. And as far as this mom can't tell, I don't think working is fulfilling either. When I die, I'm sure not gonna say "boy, I really wished I would have worked. I missed out on so much!" No, I'm going complain that I could have been a better mom or a better wife. And yeah, most reasons are kind of selfish but I see why some moms need to work. And some moms probably couldn't handle one day with their kids and by all means, please go to work. Anyway, you aren't just a mom. You are THE mom. Your kids love ya and who cares what everyone else thinks?

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  3. I'm currently unemployed and even I do feel like I'm missing out sometimes. I still wake up early and be alert until 6p.m.! ;pIf I get kids I'll like to stay home with them because I think it's the best way to raise them. Being a mum is a full-time job and the salary is how good of a child you raise.

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  4. This post was wonderful. Thank you. I take you seriously. I respect you and what you have to say. I think you're immensely talented at writing, and at parenting, from what I've seen on this blog. I think there's always going to be someone thinking you're "just" a stay at home mom and that it's not really an accomplishment, but it is. My husband once told me that if he had my job, he'd go nuts. Best compliment I'd ever received.I think I might have to put my own two cents in on this topic on my own blog. Huh. Oh, and I love you. Stinky breath and all. We'll be unbrushed til after noon together.

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  5. I cannot tell you how often i'm jealous of stay-at-home moms. NOT because i think they can watch TV all day & eat bon bons. :) But that i just my desire. To stay at home with my kids as they're growing up. Obviously, i can't do that yet, but when i do have kids i worry that we won't have the money. And, yes, i know it's about sacrifice but trust me – we don't have a lot of extras as it is & my hubby couldn't support ME ALONE, much less kids. I hope we are able to do it or that my work will at least let me work from home. it could be done – but they don't know that i'm going to ask them that when i do get pregnant! As for your maybe's – those are definitely maybe's! Yes, i do get a paycheck. And sometimes i do get a "THANK YOU SO MUCH" at work. But i don't feel smarter & i definitely don't get a social life from work. A few coworkers i especially like but we don't hang out outside of work.

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  6. just so you know, i love the way you talk about being a mommy. seriously. you really are inspiring… whether you think so or not. you inspire me.

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  7. I am glad I was able to be a stay at home mom for roughly 6 years to my oldest and 4 years to my youngest. It was the best 6 years of my life! Sure I complained about cooking/cleaning, changing diapers etc etc … but do it for as long as you can because right NOW they appreciate you and depend on you in their own little ways. Unfortunately for me and my relationship status I had to return back to work and miss out on even more =( You go girl xxoo YOU are right where you are needed and wanted ~love~

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  8. Awesome post! You are such a great momma and your kiddos are SO lucky to have you home with them!

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  9. Totally agree, I wouldn't trade it for the world because I don't are what "those" people think as long as my babies are getting the best they can…which is this girl! :)

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  10. Ditto, ditto, ditto, to all of the above. And when I start wondering those "maybes," I remind myself that 90% of the time, most of those things (you know, being appreciated and all that jazz) didn't happen in the workplace for me before I had kids! I figure a big, juicy, toothy, spit-upy kiss IS better, anyhow.

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  11. I linked to your post…you made my favorites for this week :)

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  12. I will say I was the one who asked this. I had a lady that came into my work last week saying how she would never think about being a stay at home mom. She started rattling off reasons why. So I asked to see what the other side of the story was. No need for mommy wars because well Im not a mommy. Shannon your kids are amazing and your so lucky. As you know I have and will always wish you nothing but the best!!

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  13. I've done both. For the years I was a working mom, I loved it. I was so overwhelmed by my daughter that I was sure I couldn't make it as a SAHM. But now that I've been a SAHM for 2.5 years, I'm grateful for the very things you mentioned above. Because you're right…this time, this connection with our little children is ours just this once.

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  14. @Rebecca um, maybe? but i'm so jealous of your motivation!@MB so very true. and thanks so much!@Johana oh, i totally agree with that. love to you!@Hayley gah, you have totally made my day, mama. and i would LOVE if you posted your thoughts on this! i always love your thoughts.@Melissa i so hope you are able to stay home when you have babies! and yea, there is definitely sacrifice involved, but with 3, it would be more of a financial sacrifice to send them to daycare…so this works out just fine for me! :)@rbandj you are so sweet. thank you.@carrie thanks a bunch! love you! *hugs!*@SassySillySpunky thanks, love! you are too kind.@Laura EXACTLY! we have a pretty incredible job. :)@KimnSteve wow, so true! i hadn't thought of that!@Tara i'm so glad you asked, love ya, girl!@ck that's how i felt when i went back to work right after mk was born! but i'm so glad that it didn't last long.

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