grandma

It was a year ago today, that I received a life-changing phone call. A phone call that had me frantic and rushing to a hospital, all to see one of the strongest women I knew, lying there.

Vulnerable.

Frail.

Still, other than the rise and fall of her chest.

It was a year ago today, that Grandma suffered a heart attack. A year ago, that fear took hold of my life. A year ago, that sadness and anger consumed my thoughts, that anxiety quickened my heart and grief lengthened my sighs.

A year ago that our last few conversations started their continuous replay in my mind, and those few days of one-sided exchanges began.

A year ago that my faith strengthened and wavered back and forth in a matter of days.

Thursday, Thanksgiving, marks the one year of her passing. And while it seems like just yesterday that she left us, it also seems like she has been gone forever.

But even in the sadness too complex to explain, there is also a thankfulness.

Because I am thankful that I was fortunate enough to have her as my Grandma. Thankful for all the hugs and laughs and talks. Thankful for the times that she let me eat a bowl of cereal for dinner when I complained about the food. Thankful for the times that I sat on the floor next to her recliner with my head on her arm rest. Thankful for the advice she gave. Thankful for the time and effort she put into me. Thankful for her sense of humor. Her laugh. Her voice. Her love.

Thankful.

This past year has been one of the most difficult years of my life, but if there’s one thing Grandma taught me, it is strength.

Love and miss you so much, Grandma.

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10 thoughts on “grandma

  1. I know, it sucks Shannon. Sorry I wish I had better things to say. All I know is that there is no such thing as “time heals all wounds”. They are always there. I just think someday they won’t hurt as much. Instead of remembering how she last was, you remember more of who she was. I keep telling myself that anyway.

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    • So true – time certainly doesn’t heal all wounds. But I’m sure you’re right about them hurting a little less as time goes on.

      Thanks so much for commenting, but most of all, for understanding and being real. Love you.

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  2. I thought this poem said everything I had to say in a much more elegant manner:

    You can shed tears that she is gone,
    or you can smile because she has lived.
    You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back,
    or you can open your eyes and see all she’s left.
    Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
    or you can be full of the love you shared.
    You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday,
    or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.
    You can remember her only that she is gone,
    or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.
    You can cry and close your mind,
    be empty and turn your back.
    Or you can do what she’d want:
    smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

    – David Harkins

    Take care, dear.

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  3. I hesitated to read this due to having lost my grandma almost 6 months.
    You put all the emotions I’m feeling into words. It’s hard, but you did it.
    This is beautifully written. I’m here for you . You are a strong woman.

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    • You are such a sweetheart, Kelly. Thank you. And I am so super sorry for your loss. Grandma’s are special people and it hardly seems fair to have to say goodbye….

      Thinking of you, love. And always, always here for you.

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  4. aw, i wish i could hug you so big. your grams sounds pretty amazing. my gram used to let us feast on cereal too. golden grahams. i can’t even imagine how hard the last year has been for you. my gram is like a second mother – sounds like yours is too. i don’t even want to think about when i will have to say goodbye. i am so sorry for your loss. love to you and your grams.

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    • Aw, I love your Grams like mad. And yea, my Grandma was totes a second mother, too. And life is so weird without her!

      Thanks so much for all the love, mama. You’re the bestest.

      Oh, and my cereal of choice was always Apple Jacks. In fact, it still is.

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  5. Shannon, I was reading your blog to Jamie to show him how good you write when I came across this one about grandma(my mom). Wow it took me a few minutes to read it to get through it without crying when reading it. You are truly one of a kind Shannon, and for that I thank you and I am honored as your Tia to know you. I love you sweet heart and stay strong and live strong.
    Love Tia Nita

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    • Oh my goodness, I couldn’t even read your comment without crying, so there ya go. :)

      Thank you SO much for all the support, encouragement and love. You are seriously the best. I love you tons, Tia.

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