in regards to myself

You know how you run into someone that you haven’t seen in years and they ask you what you’ve been up to while you have three small children clawing at your legs to get you to keep moving or buy them this or take them to the bathroom for the sixth time in thirty minutes? But you kind of ignore your kids because a) they’re interrupting and that’s pretty rude and b) you’re searching your brain for something big and exciting because you’re all too familiar with the glazed-over stare you get when you let people know that you stay at home with your kids and you school at home with your kids and that all that takes up about a million percent of your time? Speaking of time – it’s running out because not everyone handles awkward silence like you handle awkward silence and you’ll never ever think of anything bigger or more exciting than your babies anyway because they totally rule (no matter how many times they interrupt you) and so you’re kinda just like…

“…well, ya know, this…!”

That should do it, right?

Well, it doesn’t.

Because now they’re like “well, yea, but…besides all this…”

WHAT MORE DOES THE WORLD WANT?

Do you want to know about my subscription to Flula’s videos on YouTube? Or the number of times I’ve viewed the techno remix of my favorite Admiral Ackbar quote on YouTube? Is it rude if I pull out my phone real quick and make you watch all of these LOST parodies on YouTube? Because I’m baaaaasically up to YouTube.

Do you want to know that I semi-recently read Einstein’s Theory of Relativity? I retained maybe like two things we could talk about if you’re into that as much as I am.

Do you want to know how many times I’ve watched any one of the Star Wars movies this week? I’ll tell you, I ain’t even embarrassed.

Do you want to know how fun it was having a bird in my garage when I suffer from ornithophobia?

Do you want to talk about nail polish? Graphic tees? Halloween? Planets/stars/galaxies? HOW HARD I WANT TO VISIT THE MOON?

Do you want to see all of my favorited TED talks? Favorited tweets?

Do you want to listen to me quote all the things from The Big Bang Theory? My favorite Batman movie? Lost In Space?

Do you care what Candy Crush level I’m currently stuck on/pissed at?

Do you want me to tell you all about the day that I ate, not one, but TWO moldy strawberries and later sneezed so hard that I apparently lost all control of my own leg and kicked the wall and stubbed my toe?

There’s a reason I lead with the mom stuff.

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One thought on “in regards to myself

  1. I love you. And all of this.

    Like

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