I watch a lot of Netflix and I’m generally pretty critical, so I’m basically a movie critic.
Sharknado was horribly stupid/rife with scientific inaccuracies/also, awesome. It starred that one guy from 90210 and another guy that I kept thinking was Nick Nolte and a bunch of other people running around getting attacked by sharks who were just swirling around outside of the ocean. I mostly felt bad for the super fake looking sharks, yelling “awww!” every time one of the terrible actors managed to kill one of them. And I’m sorry, but the waitress/bartender/whatever girl and her scar that she would NEVER talk to anyone about? WHAT IS THAT. Spoiler alert: she was bit by a shark. Girlfriend is still alive, still has her leg, her leg has a really rad scar on it and she’s all “uh…it’s nothing…I don’t want to talk about…” OMG just fricken tell people that you got bit by a shark because it’s incredibly aggravating and dumb that you won’t. It literally makes zero sense to be so weird about it. Orrrr wear pants! Then no one will see it or ask about it, duh.
I give any movie about sharks 5 stars.
I give any movie with a full cast of bad actors in it 0 stars.
I give any movie with a super dumb, nonsensical, irritating side-story that I get hung-up on -4 stars.
Sharknado, therefore, gets one measly star and that’s only because it was about sharks. If it had been something like squidnado or clownfishnado it would get -4 stars. UP YOUR GAME, HOLLYWOOD.
(But please keep making movies about sharks, because <3.)