like lichen, only weirder

“…this honestly sucks. The juniors section is full of hi-low tank tops and short skirts, but it’s like – I’m 32 years old. And the misses/women’s depts. are full of khaki capri pants and flowery blouses. KHAKI CAPRI PANTS, NATE. Think about my life and tell me if you ever see me wearing those. Honestly, the best shirts are in the men’s section, but then I’m all ‘Oh, I really want this Star Wars t-shirt, but it doesn’t fit right because I’m not a f*cking rectangle’…”

“Geez, ok. So did you get anything?”

“Yea. Ripped jeans. From the Juniors section. Thanks, btw.”

He gives me the Kohl’s cash from his b-ball shoes purchase, I give him a pms-inspired earful of my thoughts on clothing choices – symbiotic relationship x infinity. (I kid, I’m probably the worst wife.)


One thought on “like lichen, only weirder

  1. Lololol rectangle!! I hate clothes shopping. It’s either too tight and hello, some of us still want to walk and not get a yeast infection…or I look like my grandma. I hate flowers. I pretty much only ever buy sweat pants so my fat arse can freely move. I hate tight clothes with a passion. If I can’t sit cross legged on the floor, it’s out. I need to bend. I don’t care if I look least I won’t be scratching my snatch every two seconds. Grrr! Kohls is THE worst!


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