#wednesday

Whenever my husband says something annoying (always), I like to say “ugh, you only feel like you can say that because Trump is president.”

And when he does something annoying (also always), I like to yell “THIS WOULD HAVE NEVER HAPPENED WITH HILLARY IN OFFICE.”

And we both laugh, but him a little less because he doesn’t actually think I’m funny.

Anyway. Today is International Women’s Day/A Day Without A Woman and so I sent my husband a text this morning, letting him know that I’d totally take the day off too, except that I have no idea who would let the puppies out or home-school the children…

He assured me that everyone here realizes my impact and, in his own words, is confident that “the house would burn down” without me, and that’s basically the best compliment a mom can get.

He’s not wrong either, because it would literally burn down if I were not here to keep the new puppy from chewing yet another hole in yet another cord.

[tornado emoji][toilet emoji][bomb emoji][squirt gun emoji]

(But, for real, do your thing, ladies – whatever that thing may be.)

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#friday

Someone in my dream tried to compare themselves to Ernest Hemingway and I lost my sh** on them, all “OH MY GOD, DON’T. JUST SHUT UP IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE NO.”

Apparently, I have pretty strong feelings for the guy, I dunno.

Speaking of strong feelings, I’m currently accepting donations to the “get me to see Neil DeGrasse Tyson when he comes here in the spring because if I don’t see/hear/meet him live I will probably puke” fund. Cheap seats are $53 and some change, make checks payable to ‘obsessive nerd.’

#thursday

Last night I dreamt that my husband suffered a heart attack, but that I saved his life with mouth to mouth resuscitation. He just fell over onto a diaper changing station and I was all “OMG, I GOT THIS, I ACTUALLY DID THIS FOR MR. ROGERS JUST LAST WEEK.”

Of course then we argued because he was so true to real life, all “you’re over-reacting, I just fell asleep for a second.” “OH, REALLY. ON A DIAPER CHANGING STATION.”

I dunno, guys.

Thankfully my brain switched gears to a wild tiger tormenting me from our backyard while I watched out the window, crying.

I usually have figuring out my misfirings down to a science, but I’m blaming this one on watching Wilfred and eating cheez whiz right before bed.

#ugh #mylife

#friday (the thirteenth)

My little homies found a nearly-the-size-of-their-tiny-hands polyphemus moth in our backyard this afternoon and then sat outside drawing it up in their little research journals, squealing about how cute it was, and making super scientific observations like “whoa, its butt feels way fluffier than its wings.”

Me, I was all “OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS, WHY I AM SO CLOSE TO THIS WINGED THING.”

(Ugh, all of their cute faces probably, because just look at him.)

polyphemus moth

#tuesday

I spent the late morning hours in a lawn chair on my driveway – sipping coffee and reading about dark matter – while my little crew pedaled bikes and things up and down our dead-end road.

“Mom, why are you making that face?”

“What face? Was I making a face?”

“Yeeeaa…it’s like, a super happy face.”

Oh, I dunno, maybe because life totally rules…

On the real, I’ve been a little stress-pot lately – worried that my stay-at-home and unschooling days are numbered, because I guess money makes the world go ’round more so than angular momentum and inertia, but today was pretty perfect and I’m thankful for all that.

Also thankful that the bird above my head could hold it until I stood up from my lawn chair because hair full of bird poop is probably* worse than a chair full of bird poop.

*i say probably simply because i’ve never experienced bird poop in my hair (though one can imagine), omg knock on wood, why do i do this to myself

#saturday

“Time isn’t a straight line, it’s all…bumpy-wumpy. There’s loads of boring stuff. Like Sundays and Tuesdays and Thursday afternoons. But now and then there are Saturdays – big, temporal tipping points when anything’s possible.”

Liiiike, eating your Apple Jacks with a fork while your coffee brews into the drip-tray of your Kuerig because you forgot to grab a mug, I dunno.

#thursday

Things I want to remember forever:

The misfirings* I had the other night, in which my oldest daughter found the Ring forged by Sauron himself in the fires of Mount Doom. It was basically just me yelling at her to get rid of it, her slipping it on and disappearing every time I would talk – so, ya know, super fun and not frustrating at all/also kiiiind of hilarious.

*girlfriend has been a super sass, i’ve been playing a lot of video games and a general love of LotR, probably.

My son at soccer practice. All my kids at soccer practice, really, but I honestly thought that boy was going to spend the whole season orbiting my legs. I knew I’d cry and be proud of him x infinity anyway because that’s what moms do, but instead he’s running around and smiling and talking to his coaches and was a MAJOR pouty pants when his practice was over because it was “too short” and he wasn’t ready to leave. Gaaaahhhh, so proud.

Every trip to the planetarium, ever.

How t-storms rolled through last night and my husband made homemade popcorn and we all sat together on the couch while I read The Hobbit until our babies fell asleep and I had to carry them to bed.

And this morning, the sound of my children FREAKING OUT and narrating the story of the mom and dad ducks that were in our yard.

“OH MY, I DON’T HAVE TIME TO PREEN MY FEATHERS, I NEED TO FIND A NEST FOR MY BABIES!”